After talking to a few people and trying to unravel the myriad of things I was feeling..... I worked out that some significant things had changed in my job. Things at work seemed to be shaping up in a different direction this year and I had to let go of some things that were dear to my heart. I spent A LOT of time soul searching, seeing whether I could live and work with the changes. In the end I decided that I couldn't. Those things meant so much to me and I thought they were important. I also thought that I needed to make space for someone else to embrace the changes that I couldn't. So I decided that the right thing to do was leave. I put so much agonised thought and prayer into this decision.... I prayed and prayed.... and it felt right.
It's one thing to make a decision that you know is right. It's another thing to live with the consequences. It's been really hard to leave and let go. My work at St Paul's has been a labour of love. I've poured my heart and soul into the children, families, people and work there. It's been more than a job. It's been a part of who I am. I have been committed to it with 100% of who I am. It was so hard to resign, to go through all of the processes that leaving entails and not be overwhelmed with grief. One step at a time..... And as I've been doing this, the whole thing has been made easier by the lovely people who have supported me, talked to me, prayed with me, sent me lovely messages and have articulated how they and their children feel about me and what I've done at St Paul's. My great colleagues and friends have walked me through this time, sharing wonderful thoughts and love with me. It's been incredibly special and awful all at the same time.
When I resigned and started on that path, I didn't know what the future held for me or where I'd end up. It's been a step of faith into the dark. But I've seen the hand of God on everything, organising the timing and the perfect job for me to go on to. So a step into the unknown that felt awful and heart wrenching but right, has led me into a job at a lovely Catholic school where I can meld my teaching philosopies and my spiritual beliefs. It's the perfect job for me, combining all of my teaching experience and my times working at church into a seamless, holistic expression of education, faith and life.
Through all of this I have been extremely grateful to God for his consistent love, guidance and support. I have also been overwhelmed by the many people who have expressed their love and appreciation to me in so many ways. I am always thankful that I have such a beautiful family, who are my biggest cheerleaders, supporters and friends.
So new beginnings AGAIN!!! I'm embracing the change and look forward to seeing what unfolds.... Thanks for coming along for the ride!