Friday, July 29, 2011

what I did in my holidays

Now that I'm back teaching I am enjoying all of the good things that it brings..... gorgeous children, weekends (after working Sundays for the last few years) and regular holidays. Thanks to some very lovely friends, I was able to return to Rotorua for a relaxing break. You can read about my last Rotorua holiday here and here.

Beth and Mikey came down for the weekend and we spent our time exploring, eating, op shopping, luging, laughing, eating, drinking, watching a movie, playing board games, drinking, laughing, eating, reading, biking (Mikey), napping (me), eating..... until it was time for them to leave. I waved goodbye and prepared to settle in for the rest of the week.

It was so nice to spend a sustained period of time when I didn't have to do anything, I could just do anything. I spent my time reading two and a half novels, more op shopping, sleeping, walking and crafting. It's been pretty full on starting a new job so I haven't really been crafting - just blobbing out in front of the tv too exhausted to think creatively, let alone make anything. I've known for a really long time that being creative feeds my spirit but when life gets busy it seems to be the first thing to go. As I cut, pinned, sewed, embroidered, knit and generally created I felt energised... and extremely productive!! Here are the fruits of my labour....

 Knitted red wool bracelet and vintage blanket heart decorations

Ipad cover made from a vintage NZ wool blanket, vintage buttons with an airforce badge on the front.... 

.... and an army badge on the back!

Nine vintage NZ wool blanket cushions

As you can tell, I love grey blankets. I particularly love the grey blanket with the red stripe up the middle. (I've only ever found one!)

Vintage blankets and doilies

And then it was time to pack up and head home. I enjoy a good road trip but the road can get monotonous so I like to take regular breaks. I stopped for afternoon tea at this lovely cafe that seems to be from another era....

Homemade apple cake presented beautifully on a Crown Lynn plate

Collections of vintage bottles

Star-glass room dividers

The cafe's chooks

Love it! As I headed back to Auckland I felt like I had experienced a real slice of NZ country hospitality!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

still missing you....

Every now and again I have vivid dreams of my husband John. He's alive and breathing, talking, living and laughing with me. They are very real. I feel his presence.... then I wake up and feel my loss afresh. Often in those dreams he walks away and I try to ring and text him and I can never reach him.... so my subconscious knows he has gone... that I can't reach him. But these dreams leave fresh waves of missing John, his presence in my life and the depth of his love for me.

So I thought I'd write a post telling him how much I still miss him. I know he can't read it, that he doesn't know what I'm saying but just putting it out there reminds me of what a lovely man he was, that he is not forgotten, that his legacy lives on forever in my heart.

So you would think after six and a half years I would have moved on... well I have in so many ways. I've grown in so many ways... I've learned to shoulder loss, to keep moving forward, to find hope again, to find happiness in the smallest of things. Small things like seeing Rangitoto and the harbour as I get to work every day makes me happy!

But all of that doesn't stop me missing you John. I loved the way you loved me... that you thought I was funny and that made me funnier because you liked it! I loved the way you were consistent, constant, reliable and a very steady influence in my life. When I was all over the place you anchored me, you made me feel safe.... that we could face anything the world threw at us, that it was okay because we faced it together. I loved it that I was the only girl for you, the only person you wanted, that I was enough for you. I loved it that we had been together for 25 years but our love was as fresh as if we had just fallen in love. I loved it that even though it was all cut short you felt that you hadn't missed out on anything, that our love and life together had been enough... enough for a lifetime. So you've gone and I miss you so much.

I hold on to all this good stuff but I keep moving forward. Who knows what the future holds for me now. I treasure the memories and the legacy you have left me. I know you would be proud of me, how I've coped, the decisions I've made and the life that I am living.

But still I miss you baby
Love you
See you later xo


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