Well it's been a long, slow, hard journey of recovery since being discharged from hospital. After initially feeling much better being home (I think that was more psychological than physical) life settled into days of constant stomach pain, nausea and severe headaches. Resting, sleeping and endless, daytime TV were all I could manage! Things started to look up when my oncologist prescribed me some medication to deal with the stomach pain, nausea and headaches. He pointed out that I had been seriously ill and it would take time for my body to recover. He also said that I won first prize for the worst outcome for chemo out of all the patients that they've treated at Auckland Hospital this year. That in his 20 years of public and private practice he's only had one other person develop chicken pox. I am truly special!
With all this resting I've had plenty of time to reflect on life and where I'm at. So when I saw Annie Lennox on TV the other night, something about her got me thinking... She was talking about turning 60 at the end of the year, which surprised me as she hasn't seemed to age over the years. As she talked about her music and the inspiration for her latest album, she sparkled. That energy and sparkle made her seem ageless. Then I had a revelation - I had lost my sparkle! That everything I've been through this year had sucked it out of me. When I thought about it, I hadn't smiled in a very, long time and that the relentlessness of feeling so ill had worn me down to just existing. That is not like me at all. I normally try to look for the best, the happy, the joy in life and laugh heartily and loud. It has been hard to feel so low when I know that my mental wellbeing and a positive, hopeful attitude play an important role in fighting cancer alongside the treatments and therapies.
A dash of gold, glittery sparkle!
It's just as well that I have the best cheerleaders in my family and friends. They keep telling me that I'm doing so well. That I've come so far. Their love and support mean even more to me when I've been finding it so tough. I've also been given some breathing space to let the medication work, to rest up and feel better. Hormone therapy has been postponed for now and radiation therapy is now scheduled for January so I can be well enough to deal with it.
She's definitely got sparkle!
I still have a long way to go and more treatments to face but I'm starting to feel a bit better. I'm focussing on the long term picture and getting my sparkle back!
Gold sparkles - imgkid.com - the image kid has it!
Astral Double c
ollage by Eugenia Loli. Find more of her artworks
here.
